Half Birthday!

Ya, like most of us I went a little MIA, #MomLyfe amiright? Lol anywayyyyy here’s what’s been going on for three months. Ryan defended his PhD, graduated, got a job (then I got a new job) and we’ve moved to Colorado! We both are working at CSU in Fort Collins (literally twenty yards from eachother haha), it is gorgeous out here! Our apartment is a block from downtown and has an amazing mountain view! We’re so lucky. Tesla is doing great, still not quite sitting but she’s started to crawl/scoot so yay time to realllly baby-proof 😬. Still no teefers which is awesome because 1.boobs, and 2.I love her gummy baby smile 😍. 

Baby Spam below! 



Three Months

This has been a good month, I think we’re really getting into our groove now. It’s been super tough to keep it all together because Ryan has been writing his dissertation, as well as an nih grand and a fellowship application 😳 #SingleMomStatus. I’ve been taking Tesla out almost every evening after work and all weekend so Ryan can stay home and focus on writing. It’s both good and bad. I mean it’s insanely stressful and I always forget something lol but it’s also great because I’m really getting to know her; I’m much better at figuring out what she needs or wants and giving that to her. Sometimes I feel bad for Ryan though because he is still lost and gets super stressed when she’s crying but I don’t want to micromanage that interaction. I can’t wait till she starts to giggle and sit up, newest thing this month though was staring at and starting to play with toys, she’s also been on Zantac for a little bit and I think it’s helped her mood immensely. She’s also been sleeping a lot more in her baby box which is nice because it get better sleep; but I do looovveee snuggling with her and waking up to her adorable little stretches 😍😍😍. Well that’s all for now; here’s the baby spam! ❤️

Two Months

Our baby bird is two months old!

I think I have honestly fallen in love. I know I was suppose to have already done that when I saw the pregnancy test/felt the first kick/saw the first ultrasound/saw her for the first time… but tbh I didn’t, not like THIS. I think it’s the eye contact, I see her and I see her seeing me, recognizing me, reacting to me; and my heart soars. This is what everyone talks about. This is what makes all the crap worth it. 😍

There were a few big milestones this month.

First shots (so many tears), I understand now why it might be hard to choose to vaccinate if you aren’t educated about the science, it’s incredibly heartbreaking to hold a tiny person down and subject them to pain and hear them cry as if they’ve been betrayed by you. It hurt me deeply. What would hurt worse, of course, would be the incredible suffering even a mild case of any vaccine preventable disease would put her through. We will of course continue to vaccinate, and on schedule. #Science #LetsDoShots

PSA:Vaccinations are safe, effective, and necessary. Vaccinate your children and yourself for the good of  your family and the community at large.

She also started daycare this month and omg do I love her teachers ❤️ in one week they have ‘taught’ her to sleep on her back, alone. Which I’d of course the only completely safe way to sleep (and I was not adhering to 😁). She’s also taking a paci! This has been the best week yet. We wake up at 7 I get her dressed, changed, and fed while Ryan gets himself ready then takes her to ‘school’ at 7:30, then I get an hour to pump, shower, and tidy up before leaving for work at 8:30. It’s so nice, bc I don’t feel the stress of a filthy house weighing on me after I come home from work.

First cold (which she passed on to both of us) she haaatteeeesss the various snot suckers we’ve tried, but she can’t eat very well when she’s so congested so we have to hold her down and try to get it over with as quickly as possible, poor babe 🤒

She is such a sweet baby, even sick and sniffly she is smiling and cooing nonstop. I love her. 

Here’s some baby spam ❤️

One Month

My little lady is a month old! 😳

We’ve watched a LOT of TV this month. So far it’s been a strange combination of busy and boring because my arms are occupied but my brain is not, and I’m also getting nothing done around the house 😭. There have been a few tough days where she will not be put down, but I think we’re learning eachother and getting closer to being a team lol.

So far all she’s doing is eating and pooping, with a teeny bit of sleeping in there. We’ve caught a few of those instinctive fake smiles, which although aren’t *real*, are adorable 😍.

We’ve been on a few hikes, and she sleeps in the wrap really well (I think she likes the bouncy-ness), its FL so it’s hot as balls and right now we can’t tell if she’s got baby acne or if she keeps getting heat rash from being so sweaty in the wrap 😬. 

She’s had a few doctors appointments already because initially she didn’t gain weight as fast as the doc wanted.

When she poops it’s audible, lol, and she’s pee’d on Ryan a few times already.

She likes the part of her bath where she’s sitting in warm water covered in a warm hand towel; she does not like the actual washing/rinsing/drying off parts though.

That’s about it…we want her to stay tiny and cute but we also can’t wait to watch her grow up 😭 

Here’s some baby spam-

Exit Day

I’m already experiencing some of that “birth amnesia” I’ve heard so much about, so I figure I should write Tes’s birth story down. 
Here goes…

Since I hit the 37 week mark and was told that she was ‘full term’ I was ready to have her OUT! We had the trip to Orlando behind us so I was doing  a few things to help her along. Pushing it harder on my Sunday runs, doing more jumping during Insanity class than I had in the previous months. I was worried (and was being inundated with stories) that she would not only not come early, but she might actually come LATE and I’d have to stay pregnant for another MONTH! This would mean (among other things) her getting even bigger and therefore more difficult to get out 😳. 

Ryan was in the throes of writing an NIH postdoctoral fellowship application with a professor that he REALLY wants to work with so he wasn’t as keen on her coming out early as I was and basically refused to have sex with me for nearly two weeks, because I let it slip that “the best way to get her out, was the same way we got her in” 😉. 

Well, Thursday night he finally caved (I think seeing me SO uncomfortable made him feel guilty lol) and so I took that as an opportunity to use all the tricks I could muster. I took a triple dose of melatonin, tried the nip stimulation with my pump, and stayed away from blue light as much as possible. Sure enough around midnight I started feeling little crampies; nothing as bad as period cramps though, but since they were happening kind of regularly I texted my doula and birth photographer just in case. They kept waking me up periodically until around 5am but then I fell asleep and when I woke up at 8 they were gone 😭. 

It was a rainy overcast day, perfect for netflix and chilling with my dog so I decided not to go into work Friday, my big project was finished and I didn’t have much to do anyway, so I didn’t feel too guilty. The “crampies” came back sometime that morning and at 12:10 I had my first ‘legit’ feeling contraction, but I still didn’t know if it was “real” or if I was just a wimp lol, at 12:30 I texted my doula, midwife, and birth photographer as a heads up that something *might* be happening and by 12:45 I knew shit was going down.  Ryan was having an exceptionally tough day, and had lab meeting at noon so I did my very best to hold off on having him come home, but that only lasted like 45 minutes.

We left for the hospital around 3, and omfg that was the longest 20 minutes of my life! I think I had a contraction every effing minute. Poor Ryan was trying his best to just keep calm and get us there safely, and here I was SCREAMING the entire time. 

We got to the hospital and I had a contraction in the parking lot, one at the security desk, one in the elevator, and two or three at the check in desk. 😳 

They got me back to triage really quickly and when the checked me I was already 6cm, so yay I got a room right away; and I decided that the fact that I was able to hold out that long meant I wasn’t a total wimp 😜.

The nurses kept trying to get me to put a gown on but I was not having it lol. Ryan told me that our nurse actually followed behind me on the way to my room with a towel so I wasn’t flashing everyone 😂😂

As soon as we got to the room the nurse started filling up the tub then told me she had to put in an IV and do ten minutes of monitoring the baby’s heart rate before I could get in 😭

I have a pretty dramatic response to needles, but the contractions were so bad that the IV wasn’t as bad as I expected; I’m mean yes, I did scream and freak out but it wasn’t SOOO terrible.

Best moment though was getting into that tub, the water was hot and there were massaging jets 😍😍😍 

My doula showed up within minutes of me getting into the tub and it seriously felt like I was just surviving, those contractions were fucking brutal. There were times where there was no break in between contractions and I would get so angry because “I was told I would get a BREAK!” Lol. The poor nurse was so sweet; there was a point where I asked if she would take the monitors off me because they were really annoying so she literally held them on me by hand for like ten minutes at a time ❤️❤️❤️.

There was a point where the contractions changed from just pain, to something ‘else’ and it was as if I had no control over what was happening and my body like *wanted* to push. It was soooo weird. 

So they had me get out of the tub, and of course I had a contraction while I was halfway out 😫

I had them put a towel down on the floor because for some reason I really really didn’t want to have to climb up onto a bed; and the thought of being on a solid surface instead of a soft bed was much more appealing. 

I should mention that the midwife on call that night was the ONE of the four from the practice that I didn’t like; and that our main MW was driving back from Atlanta in a rainstorm 😭

When I got down on my hands and knees the MW asked “are you sure this is where you want to have your baby”!?!? Like yes bitch, if it wasn’t then I would be doing this shit somewhere else! 🙄

I was pushing, and it felt good to be “doing” something instead of just being in pain. The hands and knees position felt great, and I was making progress; but my knees started hurting so I thought I’d give the bed a try. Had a couple of contractions on my walk across the room which were terrible and had another one while I was halfway on, I swear to god they were happening every like 30 seconds at that point.

When I finally got up the mw wanted me to try pushing on my back, which was terrible. It wasn’t more painful or anything it was just difficult to use my muscles properly, she kept telling me to grab behind my legs and curl my body to push, but it was NOT happening. I really really hated being told how and when to push, it was not encouraging it just felt like getting yelled at. After a bit I said, ‘this is not working’ and my doula suggested I turn on my side and try. I did a few pushes on my side but no. So I asked if I could get on my knees and I heard the midwife try and say no but my doula was like ‘ya sure lets try that’ lol so I guess hands and knees really works for me. The MW was STILL yelling at me to push harder and push through the pain and all that shit which was suuuuuper annoying then she pulled some bullshit and threatened to give me an episiotomy if I didn’t get her out in the next push; and I was thinking “um, fuck no”. So ya, I got her out in the next push but I was fucking pissed. That shit huuurt. Thankfully I got away with only a teeny tear.

After I turned over and they handed her to me I could not believe what had just happened, all I could think was “holy shit”; she still didn’t seem real.

I’m a mom. 😳

She was born at 7:47 pm, only ~8 hours of pain, but omfg it was a LOT of pain. I don’t know if I could go through that again. But she’s awesome, and totally worth it. ❤️ 

40 Weeks … Jk She’s here!

We welcomed little miss Tesla Marie into the world Friday March, 25 at 7:47pm. She weighed in at 7lb 11oz and was 20 inches tall. 

This was taken ~8hours before she was born (like ten minutes before I went into active labor).

I’ll post a birth story soon but lemme just say, #Ouch.

Week 39

Really didn’t want to write this post, I honestly thought she’d be here by now! 😩 

How far along: 39 Weeks

How big is baby: Probably like 8 pounds already 😭
Weight gain: 195. Forty fucking pounds. 😳
Sleep: Shit. Reflux and having to constantly pee keep me up, and just the act of rolling from one side to the other takes an insane amount of effort.

Food Cravings: No cravings, just bad choices. 

Food Aversions: Nope #EatEverything

Symptoms: Just general all around discomfort. There are times when I’ll drop something on the floor and seriously have to decide whether it’s worth it to try and pick it up. I’ve said “nope; guess I don’t own that anymore” more than once lol Also, I found some stretch marks, they’re not huge but I almost cried. 

Sex: 🎀

What I miss: Feeling human.

Next appointment: March 31st. Realllllly don’t want to make that one though! It’s two days after she’s due and I’m really hoping not to have to wait that long for her to gtfo.

Had my membranes stripped yesterday at our appointment and had a bit of bleeding/mucus but nothing ‘substantial’, I’m getting SO impaintient.

This kid tho.